


The Night Goes On

by ellekim94



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Related, Canon Universe, Gen, Weekly Idol EP410
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:20:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24955990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellekim94/pseuds/ellekim94
Summary: Everyone was wondering if it was going to be JaeYong or DoTae. It ended up with neither.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong, Lee Taeyong/Moon Taeil
Comments: 4
Kudos: 68





	The Night Goes On

**Author's Note:**

> So this is based on, as the tag suggested, Weekly Idol EP410 when NCT 127 played soulmates and if you guys already watched it, you know what happened to Taeyong. If you haven't, I'm not sure you'd understand this without seeing it as this is based from that. I wanted to write about this ever since I watched that.
> 
> Title is from Simple Plan's 'Untitled' and this is already the third story I'm posting today that I'm using Simple Plan's song as a title. Thank you, Simple Plan.
> 
> Do enjoy reading.

They had been taught how to act on different kind of shows, music shows, reality shows, and of course, variety shows. Taeyong knew it was for the variety show.

It would bring laughter if neither Doyoung nor Jaehyun chose him. He was fine with it. Actually, he was thinking what he would do if both of them came for him and he had to choose between them. He also wouldn’t know who to pick because the one he would not pick would end up alone, too. It was better that he wasn’t picked by either. At least, they could have each other. He could handle being alone. He was the leader. He could handle that much.

Or that’s what Taeyong was telling himself all throughout the show until they finished filming, all members were too tired and just wanted to go home. That’s what Taeyong was telling himself on the drive home when most of the members were either asleep or playing games on their phones or listening to music while staring out of the window. That’s what Taeyong was telling himself when they reached home and the members piled out of the cars and went straight either to their rooms or to take a shower.

That’s what Taeyong was telling himself because if he was going to be honest with what he was truly feeling, it kind of hurt when no one picked him and he ended up alone with that stuffed doll. Sure, it was supposed to be the fans with him. He couldn’t thank the fans enough for all their love and support for him, the members, and the group, but it was still lonely alone.

The moment he allowed himself to think that, his mind flew to so many different directions that Taeyong had to lock himself for a while in the bathroom. He wondered if he was doing enough for the members and the group. Did he deserve to be the leader? Did he deserve all the love and support he was getting? He wondered if _maybe_ he wasn’t doing enough. Maybe that’s why no one chose him. Maybe that’s why no one wanted to be with him.

In the next couple of days, Taeyong tried to exert more effort, in cooking for the members, in taking care of their personal needs, in making sure no one felt left out. He looked after each member meticulously, making sure he did enough as the leader. He didn’t know if the members noticed it or not but there was no change. The crippling feeling of not being enough still kept him awake every night, kept him longer in the bathroom before actually showering.

Then, Taeyong got tired. He still did his obligations as the leader. He still looked out the best he could for the group’s best interest. But there was no more asking how the members were doing after every individual schedule that he wasn’t part of. There was no more considering what breakfast or dinner would make everyone happy. What was the point, right?

In the beginning, Taeyong still seemed like his usual self. After all, he never lacked as the leader, may it be in making sure all the members were up and ready to go when it was time to leave at the dorm or anywhere their schedule brought them. He was still the leader. He did that much. But the Taeyong that was their doting hyung, sometimes nagging but they knew it was always for their best, was like… gone. He wouldn’t remind them to properly wash up after getting back home like he did before. He wouldn’t call out the members who were playing games too late, telling them that they needed to rest properly for their bodies to recuperate. He wouldn’t even try putting as much vegetable as he could to whatever he was cooking, trying to look after the members’ health the best he could. At most, he would cook a huge batch of bacon or sausages and leave them in the kitchen to whoever was interested.

Taeil, as the oldest, noticed it first. He knew the members like the back of his hand, probably like they know him as well, and when he was staring at Taeyong’s direction, observing his actions, he knew their leader also noticed that he had already noticed him, which should explain why Taeyong started avoiding him.

Being the oldest in the group but not the leader, he was eased with the responsibility of looking after the members and that was put in Taeyong’s shoulders. It was a huge responsibility. Some could even consider it a burden but he had never seen Taeyong saw it as such. That’s why he put it after himself to just look after all the younger members the best way he could, to be a reliable hyung to them, someone they could both talk to or play with. That counted Taeyong.

He tried observing their leader first. It was almost unnoticeable and Taeil would have missed it if he wasn’t looking closely, how Taeyong would retract his hand towards some of the members, probably used to helping them but somehow, unsure now what he should do or how a flash of concern would flash Taeyong’s eyes whenever some of the members came home very late because of some schedule but that would be replaced by confusion and then, indifference. But what bothered Taeil the most was the look on Taeyong’s eyes when he would look at them when he thought no one was looking at him. There was this dejected, almost painful expression in his eyes. Like somehow, he was looking as an outsider, like he didn’t belong with them.

Taeil was sure there was something going on but he still didn’t know what happened that caused it. It would have been better if he knew the cause of whatever was happening to Taeyong so he could think of a solution to solve the problem but he had no idea. Taeil had no idea until Doyoung approached him one morning, seeing another plate of bacons and sausages on the kitchen without any word from the person who cooked it to eat breakfast, and asked, “Is there something wrong with Taeyong-hyung?”

It seemed like he wasn’t the only who noticed it. Taeil shrugged and answered, picking a piece of bacon from the plate, “You noticed it, too?”

“It was difficult not to notice,” Jaehyun suddenly appeared in the kitchen, too.

“Is it because we didn’t pick him?” Doyoung quietly asked.

“Pick him for what?” Taeil asked, unsure what the younger said.

“In Weekly Idol.”

Jaehyun laughed, like there was no way it could be the reason why their leader was acting differently but then, he looked at Doyoung and saw the other being serious about it. “You’re not serious,” he still whispered. Then, he looked at Taeil, “Hyung?”

But Taeil only looked just as seriously as Doyoung, like a realization just hit him.

“It can’t be that,” Jaehyun was saying. “It’s a show. He knows that’s a show, right?”

The oldest tapped Jaehyun’s shoulder lightly, looking at him with a weak smile. “We know it’s a show,” he answered softly. “I’m sure Taeyong knows that, too. But it still doesn’t feel good to be left alone, don’t you agree?”

“He’s not alone though,” Doyoung muttered, albeit guiltily.

“Maybe that’s not what he’s feeling right now,” Taeil told them, standing up.

It’s not just about being alone. It’s also being enough. It’s thinking if he’s doing enough, doing what he should be doing, doing what the others were expecting him to do. It’s the responsibility and the burden of looking after others without anyone looking after him. And for the longest time, that was alright for Taeyong. He wanted to look after the members. He loved the members.

But he was also human, too.

His hand gripped on his doorknob, as if he was contemplating whether to go out that morning or not at all. It was going to be another day. It was going to be like every other day. He sighed. It wasn’t like he had other choices. He was going to cook another batch of unhealthy bacon and sausages because that’s the easiest thing to cook and eat before they start their schedule and besides, the members were always complaining about vegetables in the morning. And then, they would proceed to wherever their schedule would bring them. It was going to be another day like every other day.

“Good morning, hyung.” Taeyong blinked at Jaehyun’s face. The younger was already standing outside his door when he opened it, smiling at him even. In the years that he knew Jaehyun, the younger had never woken first before him, unless Jaehyun had an entirely different schedule than Taeyong.

He didn’t know how to answer to that greeting because that’s what happens when someone wasn’t used to such thing.

“Let’s have breakfast. Doyoung cooked.” Before he knew it, Jaehyun was pulling him towards the kitchen. He was a little worried about Doyoung cooking but he knew how reliable the younger could be and even if he wasn’t the best at cooking, Taeyong knew he wouldn’t burn the dorm down, at least.

Taeyong blinked again when Jaehyun sat him down at the table where everyone was already sitting, like they were waiting for him. He kept looking around for a camera and waiting for a cameraman because this could be another show, right? This could be part of a variety show and he was supposed to be the clueless member. But there was none. He looked to his right and saw Taeil putting some toast on his plate. He looked to his left and saw Haechan putting two eggs as well.

He could feel his heart twisting and he didn’t know if it was because he was thinking this could be a dream or that he knew he was hoping it was reality.

That he wasn’t alone after all.

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's a variety show. People are supposed to find it funny, that's why those shows sell. But the guests in it are also people and when I watched it, I couldn't help but see in Taeyong's eyes that he was truly sad that he was playing with a doll while all the other members were playing with each other. Of course, it couldn't be helped. Their group was an odd number. But I still wanted to write about this. The strong people we know can't be strong all the time. That's just not possible because they're also human.
> 
> Also, I miss Taeyong. I hope he gets well soon. I can't see a 'Kick It' stage the same without him.


End file.
